Today is a day I can't get into work.
I'm distracted wholly.
After backing up on the party front both Friday and Saturday night I am feeling a little worse for wear still.
I want to hydrate, have a facial, inject nutrients back into my skin.
I also want to pass a motion to not drink in excess ever again. What is the point? It only serves to make me a damn fool who doesn't know what time it is.
I had an epiphany this morning and this is largely feeding my lack of concentration, that I drink and smoke to cover up stuff. There is a need in me to do it. But what is that need? Where does it come from?
Is it because I feel like I can't be myself when I am out with friends/boys?
Is it a confidence thing?
Is it a mystery veil, a barrier that stands between the me deep down and everyone else getting to know that deep down me?
Is it sheer boredom?
Perhaps it's a combination of these things. All I know at this point; it can't go on like this.
I am willing to change. I am willing to release the need.
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