Saw the Sherps last night again. Even before I'd walked into the Cottage I could feel the doubt creeping into the corners of my mind, the questions - is this really doing anything? Is it working? I'm so impatient - INSTANT GRATIFICATION. It's the bain of my existence. I want it all and I want it NOW NOW NOW. NOW. And this whole spirituality and oneness quest I'm on is no exception! It's been a few weeks of doing my utmost to love myself, do things that I love doing, treating my body with respect, feeding it nutritious tidbits, meditating, chanting affirmations to myself in the mirror but I still rocked up to my session last night feeling like I'm in a stalemate.
So the Sherpa, being his yoda-ry all knowing oracle self, picked it like a nose. Damn my aura! He istantly sensed my hostility and doubt and we launched into a discussion highlighting the fact that I'm constantly thinking about things. Dah yes I know. But he meant that I need to start feeling things instead and be lead from my gut more. Tune into what it is in my heart, my true core.
Me (enthusiastic): "Yeah I think I can do that!"
Sherpa: "DON'T"
Me: ?
But the key is in the thinking. Or not. I think. :) My mind is a gift, the CEO of my company and without it I wouldn't be able to function, but it is not who I AM.
Much to think about (there I go again!). Sherps didn't re-book me, rather has sent me out into the big wide world to start feeling around. Said I would know the right time to come back for a session. Honestly I felt a little bewildered by that, almost rejected but the truth is he's right. The answer to my internal struggles is not the Sherpa, it is me. He is merely a guide, but admittedly I was beginning to use him as a crutch, a part of me hoping deep down that he would give me answers, a To Do list, a format or template, a precedent, anything to find peace. He's certainly given me guidance, but there is no template, no structure for this so I have no choice but to do as he says and feel my way through.
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