Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Willingness to change


Most people have heard of a book called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay. If you haven’t, I suggest you get acquainted, if like me you are interested in why the things that happen to us happen.

I have been feeling recently as if the past has been repeating on me a little, having found myself in a situation that seems very similar to one I’ve already had. And let me tell you, this situation wasn’t the best. In fact, it was the single most disappointing experience of my life, and now to have it recurring on me raised a number of significant questions: what am I doing that is creating these situations? I am the common denominator in this so what is it in me that needs this situation? How is it that I can subconsciously create a situation my mind tells me I don’t want? How can I be so misaligned? And importantly, what can I do to fix this imbalance and harness this power for positive outcomes instead of negative ones?

A wise man once said that to expect a different outcome from doing the same thing is insanity. I know I had to change my life, my mind desperately wanted to change my circumstances so I knew I had to look inside and change my core values and the way that I treat myself and feel about myself.

In this vein then, reading Hay’s book was a watershed moment for me. Up to this point I had read a number of incredibly powerful books over the years; I carried Eckhart Toll’s “The Power of Now” in my bag to work everyday in London, my dad had given me “As a Woman Thinketh” by James Allen years ago. But I feel that “You Can Heal Your Life” provides something more for me right now. It explains the dynamics between our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and then goes on to provide the next step of explaining how to go about creating the change you want through affirmations and other exercises.

Hay makes it real. And simple. She links physical disease with thought patterns to the extent that we are all accountable for our own state of health. This alone is an interesting concept to me and one that I’m excited to do more reading around.

The book holds so many valuable lessons but for now I am focusing on the willingness to change. The willingness to release any old patterns of thought. The willingness to change my way of speaking and the way I express myself, as only then will I be able to create the change in my outer physical circumstances.

These notions have been around for absolute centuries. Ghandi in his incredible wisdom said “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. But I feel like we get so caught up in “internet mode” (everything and anything and anyone available at any time = life overload) that we forget these basic truths.

In my own situation it is obvious that with the repetition of this particular situation I have not actually instilled any change, despite trying my best efforts. My aim has been all wrong – I need to change what is inside me and how I feel about myself to be able to attract a different, positive result. To work on this, it is as simple as affirmations. In particular the affirmation “I am willing to change”. I’ve been saying it over and over, first thing in the morning, in the mirror to myself, at any moment in the day. And I feel like I am willing to change. To take the next step.

Journey of a different kind

It seems that assimilating into Brisbane life has proven far more difficult than I originally anticipated. There have been many moments of personal crisis, crying, feelings of loneliness, confusion and outright despair. A lot of dwelling on the past and obsession with the future, not near enough living in the NOW.

Last Thursday was a watershed moment for me when my thoughts all started to pile on top of what is already a hectic white noise in my mind, to the point where I just could not focus on any one thought. It became distressing and eventually I had to let it out some how. As I was on the verge of tears, very bravely holding back as much as possible as I was at work, I had a thought. A friend of a friend had mentioned a few weeks ago that she had been to a wonderful masseuse and that I should go. For some reason in this moment of crisis this thought came to me and I fished out the number of a lady named “Barb”. After speaking with Barb for some time she had determined what treatment I needed and had arranged my appointment for 3pm that day.

At that moment I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I just had to do something, anything, to rid myself of this turmoil. So in desperation I delved into the unknown.

The following entries will tell of the journey I am about to embark on. This is a different journey to the ones I have had previously on a physical level. It is a journey into myself, and yes, into the unknown. It is exciting and scary at the same time.

I feel as though I am standing at a point in a road where the dirt becomes paved.